8 Feb
OK maybe just maybe you were having a blast last night but seriously dude!!!
House music at 6 AM?? Which intergalactic planet were you nest before?
Earth calling…. Act human for God sake!
And they said don’t judge a book by its cover translation don’t judge a guy by his music taste? FAILED!
3 Feb
HE’s a player!but
…………………………My brain has failed me once again! It wont stop thinking about him.. *sigh*
I’m in denial mode and somehow it making me upset.
Why my mind keep telling me bad things and creating stupid fantasies?
I cant work .. (well half part because i’m soo sleepy, and the other because of him, oh I STILL EAT by the way, sucks)
HE’s A PLAYER! this is mantra I made to secure and bring my mind back!
HE’s A PLAYER! and he’s not interested!
HE’s A PLAYER! and I’m not interested!
HE’s A PLAYER! HE’s A PLAYER! HE’s A PLAYER!
2 Feb
Love choose it’s story but mine were badly written….
Lemme try to elaborate my theory
Not that I’m weak or something but in a relationship I tend to stay submissive. Call me old fashion –aye!– because for me guys should step up and lead. They are the writers of my stories –off course I’m the editor but hey… I can’t do anything if the writers suck–
In most novel I read, it usually consist of 3 parts; introduction,content and closure. I add one more factor which is the climax, because I think its one of the key factor that will determind how are we going to continue the story.
At the introduction part (which usually the most beautiful part) we get to know the characters, tons of new people added to support the leading role. The mum, the dad, the brother/sister,the gank, the best bud, the exes, etc etc…some of them came as cameos and the others as supporting role. Some might say cruel judging the book by its introduction part but seriously sometimes this part can be sucks specially when it come to EX-es (messy!) …. famous poet wrote “LOVE IS BLIND” I think introduction part IS THE BLINDSPOT.
As the story goes.. ladies and gentlemen enter ing content! Content is when reality struck. Here are some random words usually use inside a content; happy sad, anger, LOVE, SEX, choice, decision, rejection, cuddling, 3rd party, long distance, other woman, other man, affair, unfaithful, temptation, passion, patient, courage, fight, ego, selfish, ME time, time, lack of time, touch, lack of touch, parent (in a more vivid appearance) ex girlfriend/boyfriend, quarrel, fight, jealousy, ignorance, depend, compassion, empathy, faith, honesty etc etc it’ll take me centuries to finnish it, at that time you’ll probably find me dead (cause of death: chronic hemorrhoids) but I guess you get my point.
Good writer tell a story in an interesting way, by adding elements of suspense so that the reader will want to know how the story will turn out. The writer may choose to make the story humorous by adding elements of comedy or jokes.
while others (the kind of creature that walks into my life) write a totally unreadable plot and unfocused story line! Dull! Weird as ifs only meant for idiots!
part #3 is climax. This is when the “fed-up” meter goes to maximum! at this stage you have to choose…… some find marriage and other find separation as the answer. Actually there are some X factors that would help us creating an brilliant climax (remember this is only baits to sparks up the story) –note: shortcut, find a fucking awesome writer/lover, much more efficient and saving tons of energy and time–
1. find a writer/leading role/character that has personal principles (i fond everything related principles, i think its sexy)
2. make the character choose between keep or break his principles. His decision can become the focal point of all the conflict in the story, triggering release of emotional tension. What he decides at this moment shows who he really, truly is. It is a test of character. The decisions and actions of the character at this moment of high stress shows what his true feelings are.
3. Giving some hardcore consequences of decision. Follow Cause and Effect principles —and if it fits with the story, make things as bad as possible for the character. (I know not all love story sucks but again sometime you need something HOT to boost things up)
4. Resolution. This is where the character/ writer decide what his going to do next. How he react and solves all. How he get what he deserve .. good ending or bad one.
Closure! this is my favorite part! This is when you take part to the story, at this point you decide the ending. honestly, i dont believe on happy ending i mean seriously dude how can you’d be happy if its end? I think its overrated! end is end thats it. Happy Ending is another fiction created by professional writer that were actually meant for children and not for grown up!
NOW let me explain why I said my story were written badly. Mostly in my story the writer dont have vision on what kind of story he want to create. Boring and lame. Too many drama that initially created to turn a girl to cinderella, but in my case turn normal to utter moron! not mention the deja vu! read my lips…I had enough repetition! sometime I wonder why? are they that ignorance? These writer are just helpless… i give a hint, they ignore it, i give a warning the thought as a break up ultimatum … my goodness sometime its easier to communicate with dog (some) at least they pay attention.. 
dont they know that mall things count? but for these writers, those small things were meant to be small and forgotten…. *sigh*
I havent met my writer yet but I hope one day I meet him! when that time come we’ll make a story that would make jane austin proud!
31 Jan
“This is dedicate for my friend Q and atit!”
People say don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burnt. The same with don’t fall in love if you are not ready to get hurt. But why it feels good? I think its because pain is addictive!Like a zit, we know if we crack it, it’ll leave mark and painful, but yet our hand are just can’t help touching it.
One of my friend said unless you’re a player don’t mess with love. Though we said were OK,we’re strong and WILL make it, think again! From my personal research its because women tend can’t control their emotion and everything that involve feelings will attached stronger thus if its not working it’ll hurt like hell and the marks will last forever. Stupid indeed for not using brain and always wasting so much emotion…but hey that’s women, IT DOESNT NEED A GENIUS TO FIGURE IT OUT.
Recently one of my friend come crying in the middle of the night, telling me that the guy she’s been dating for months are about to get married in a week! the others has doing an affair with a guy that has been in relationship plus engage for 8 eight years with other women, and recently my boss confessed that she has an affair with one of my colleague and it almost cost her,her 10 years marriage. But despite all the tears and all, they keep doing it.What makes me so angry because the reasons are just as stupid.
Reason # 1 is Challenge! What!!??!! Do bungee jumping or parasailing for crying out loud! I mean like seriously dude move on, get a decent guy and have a normal relationship!
I know that love struck in unexpected time and condition but YOU (woman) can control it! Who has the power to stop it and not letting those crap growing!
#2 “maybe we were meant to be together!” Well guess what princess, prince charming ain’t coming with other women as a package!
Reason #3 came from my own sister, she said she do it because she wants it, that’s all! Its quite disturb and pause me for few minutes, I mean what a selfish little shit!look at the other women, quote again from my gay friend harry “karma exist and it’ll hunt you down like a hawk” aren’t you afraid one day you, your daughter or your sister will suffer the karma? And aren’t you tired waiting in vain!?
Will he call?
Will he think about me?
Will he drop by?
Is he love me more?
Will he marry me?
Well guess what? You’re boyfriend are prolly fucking happily with the other girl by now.
So snap out of it!
I keep wondering what is so good about that? I mean you are always on guard, can’t go publicly cause somebody might see, suppress your emotion and jealousy, sharing bed with other women, and praying every night to God so that he will eventually realize that you’re the only person for him and no one else..
Here’s the truth, it will not happen because guys are just guys!
Well ok maybe there IS good guy out there –see how optimist I am?– but for these cheating bastards your prayers will only be answered if some life changing event occurs which involving death, amputation or serious accident and its only happen one over a million case or in cheap soap opera.
Believe me honey you don’t need a scar to remind you not to go to far! All you have to do is THINK! Use a little bit of your common sense…(Maybe to some of you its quite difficult cause love toxic has completely paralyzed your brain and thinking ability, but you can do it! Cause guess what?brain are actually created so that you can THINK! Tell your brain to start working or there will be no sex thoughts and masturbation for years,there’ll be no more naked jude law or hartnett –it’ll freak the devil out–)
Maybe at this point you think who the hell is this girl?trying to advise me while maybe she never felt anything deep before, in this case YOU RIGHT!
Why? Because I’m only a coward who knows my capability and I just can’t dealt with that crap so I avoid it. Well at least this guy-proof-vest is working well and I never been hurt badly (hopefully will never).
My suggest stay out of it! Just so that you know Over 75% of people who marry partners from an affair eventually divorce.(Hein, Holly. Sexual Detours: Infidelity and Intimacy at the Crossroads.)
Again…the choice is yours….
28 Jan
” Love is like a war:Easy to begin Hard to end!” some ancient proverb said…..true!
like today he was replying my tweet.. I was so happy as if its big deal..
sounds phatetic but actually i feel happy just to know that even if its just for a second, I’ve crossed his mind.
(….ok now you can vomit!…*sigh*)
See honestly, I wasnt even twitting before but now i just cant help twitting cause off course he’s there and i feel close to him just by seeing his nick!
I even open his websites just to know him .. googling him … add his BBM pin (though I WILL NEVER SEND HIM ANYTHING AND IT TOOK ME 3 DAYS TO HAVE COURAGE TO SEND THAT INVITATION!) ….read his blog (off course without leave comment) ……..wrote this love diary …and all the spooky 15th years old girl might do on their first love .. damn it!
(….ok now you can be scared cause i sound like a psycho)
aaarrggghhhh……..weird weird weiiirrrddd…I think my theraphist right..I have mental issue. I really hope this love sick stop! so I can continue my life like a normal people….
28 Jan
“If love was a choice, who would ever choose such exquisite pain”
- Anna an the king-
Well guess what Anna? at least you still have a fucking brilliant love story to tell…
Man… why do I fall in love so easily? This is sucks…
(FUCK gravitation, I swear it must be the source of my fall in love sickness!)
wish i had some kind of strong shield to protect me from all this thing
I met this guy actually a few months a go on a party, he wasn’t that cute, obviously not my type and I was drunk(one word: blur)
then BAM! he’s back with a more clearer look, and we’re supposed to work together
We worked together several time and I found him very funny, smart and undeniably charming!
Forgive me for having a soft spot for a nerdy type .. but he’s just the perfect geek for me!
we even speak the same language and he’s as weird as me … oh and he’s single! (yay)
if this is a silly romantic novel the main character would be (somehow) thrown away to some deserted island in Caribbean with this handsome but mean guy, pretending as if they were in a celibacy phase which will prevent them ripping each other clothes and to heat up an create intense plot were hating each other .
Until one day on a windy and cold night, the storm hit and magically tear all the clothes.(Spare me! I tried to make it as natural as I can,I mean like how all of sudden you’d be naked without involving storm or giant white shark?)
So already naked and wet, they realized that they were sexually attracted and felt the spark and end up making love!
and live happily ever after!
(At least until she knew that he’s actually a she or whatever……. ugh)
ok its not that romantic (now i know i will never be a writer) and my love story is not working that way!
actually if you ask in what level am I now, I would say around minus 10 !! the progress?? man … slower than a cripple turtle! I don’t even know how to create conversation beside work!
and I don’t have guts to start it…I know talking to him like a normal human would not harm me, but then again i suck at this kind of flirt-giggle-girl-like-mode
I’d probably would look like a lost circus lady and laugh like a mad hyena… and it surely would freak the poor guy
ugh this whole fall in love thingies driving me nuts!!
16 Jan
Went to see my therapist, again
Not much happen, He keep telling me thatI have anxiety and temper problem (fucK)
The thing is I think he’s right (double fuck) and I really needs help, this anxiety and overworked-stress i had almost driving me crazy and having to take pills is not so cute anymore (I look like a monstrous psychopath when i forgot to eat it plus i usually so wet, my sweat is unbelievably wet(obviously) its just not cute specially on the armpit area — i would kill myself if it smells too but its not really that bad(i can assure you)–
well anyway..
I dot really blame my job (honestly)cause I really need it(sometime love it)but its just its consuming all my valuable time (come on im a business woman time IS VALUABLE)I dont have “me” time and I get all wet and sweaty just to think of going to work on the next day plus all its pile of tasks….is that healthy?
so here I am (again) trying to write day to day journal about my life and try to channel (rephrase!!!) all my emotion (mostly angry) to its right place. My therapist said writing a journal would be the best solution cause he can monitor me and i can monitor myself (as if eternal shame of telling how sucks I am to people and share my shameless moment to the entire world is not enough)
wish me luck and may the force be with me (even i dot think luke will ever read this)
20 Sep
A guy name charles(real name) call me “stupid” (In bahasa whis is really rude!) I mean seriously that would be OK if:
1. I’m stupid
2. I made a terrible mistake
3. He’s better than me
But that would be wrong if:
1. That person is a horny bastard with a brain as big as walnut.(Well actually IF he has any)
2. Public enemy with IQ below idiot rate
3. King Moron that almost lost his job cause he’s a complete useless individual that’s not achieving his target and like to blame other people for the sake of his fat stinky ass
I swear he should be jailed for being such a horrible person!
Watch your mouth you freak!
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