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“This is dedicate for my friend Q and atit!”

People say don’t play with fire if you don’t want to get burnt. The same with don’t fall in love if you are not ready to get hurt. But why it feels good? I think its because pain is addictive!Like a zit, we know if we crack it, it’ll leave mark and painful, but yet our hand are just can’t help touching it.
One of my friend said unless you’re a player don’t mess with love. Though we said were OK,we’re strong and WILL make it, think again! From my personal research its because women tend can’t control their emotion and everything that involve feelings will attached stronger thus if its not working it’ll hurt like hell and the marks will last forever. Stupid indeed for not using brain and always wasting so much emotion…but hey that’s women, IT DOESNT NEED A GENIUS TO FIGURE IT OUT.
Recently one of my friend come crying in the middle of the night, telling me that the guy she’s been dating for months are about to get married in a week! the others has doing an affair with a guy that has been in relationship plus engage for 8 eight years with other women, and recently my boss confessed that she has an affair with one of my colleague and it almost cost her,her 10 years marriage. But despite all the tears and all, they keep doing it.What makes me so angry because the reasons are just as stupid.

Reason # 1 is Challenge! What!!??!! Do bungee jumping or parasailing for crying out loud! I mean like seriously dude move on, get a decent guy and have a normal relationship!
I know that love struck in unexpected time and condition but YOU (woman) can control it! Who has the power to stop it and not letting those crap growing!

#2 “maybe we were meant to be together!” Well guess what princess, prince charming ain’t coming with other women as a package!

Reason #3 came from my own sister, she said she do it because she wants it, that’s all! Its quite disturb and pause me for few minutes, I mean what a selfish little shit!look at the other women, quote again from my gay friend harry “karma exist and it’ll hunt you down like a hawk” aren’t you afraid one day you, your daughter or your sister will suffer the karma? And aren’t you tired waiting in vain!?
Will he call?
Will he think about me?
Will he drop by?
Is he love me more?
Will he marry me?
Well guess what? You’re boyfriend are prolly fucking happily with the other girl by now.
So snap out of it!

I keep wondering what is so good about that? I mean you are always on guard, can’t go publicly cause somebody might see, suppress your emotion and jealousy, sharing bed with other women, and praying every night to God so that he will eventually realize that you’re the only person for him and no one else..
Here’s the truth, it will not happen because guys are just guys!

Well ok maybe there IS good guy out there –see how optimist I am?– but for these cheating bastards your prayers will only be answered if some life changing event occurs which involving death, amputation or serious accident and its only happen one over a million case or in cheap soap opera.

Believe me honey you don’t need a scar to remind you not to go to far! All you have to do is THINK! Use a little bit of your common sense…(Maybe to some of you its quite difficult cause love toxic has completely paralyzed your brain and thinking ability, but you can do it! Cause guess what?brain are actually created so that you can THINK! Tell your brain to start working or there will be no sex thoughts and masturbation for years,there’ll be no more naked jude law or hartnett –it’ll freak the devil out–)

Maybe at this point you think who the hell is this girl?trying to advise me while maybe she never felt anything deep before, in this case YOU RIGHT!
Why? Because I’m only a coward who knows my capability and I just can’t dealt with that crap so I avoid it. Well at least this guy-proof-vest is working well and I never been hurt badly (hopefully will never).

My suggest stay out of it! Just so that you know Over 75% of people who marry partners from an affair eventually divorce.(Hein, Holly. Sexual Detours: Infidelity and Intimacy at the Crossroads.)

Again…the choice is yours….

so tweet!

” Love is like a war:Easy to begin Hard to end!” some ancient proverb said…..true!

like today he was replying my tweet.. I was so happy as if its big deal..

sounds phatetic but actually i feel happy just to know that even if its just for a second, I’ve crossed his mind.

(….ok now you can vomit!…*sigh*)

See honestly, I wasnt even twitting before but now i just cant help twitting cause off course he’s there and i feel close to him just by seeing his nick!

I even open his websites just to know him .. googling him … add his BBM pin (though I WILL NEVER SEND HIM ANYTHING AND IT TOOK ME 3 DAYS TO HAVE COURAGE TO SEND THAT INVITATION!) ….read his blog (off course without leave comment) ……..wrote this love diary …and all the spooky 15th years old girl might do on their first love .. damn it!

(….ok now you can be scared cause i sound like a psycho)

aaarrggghhhh……..weird weird weiiirrrddd…I think my theraphist right..I have mental issue. I really hope this love sick stop!  so I can continue my life like a normal people…. 😦 😦 😦

shut up Anna!

“If love was a choice, who would ever choose such exquisite pain”

– Anna an the king-

Well guess what Anna? at least you still have a fucking brilliant love story to tell…
Man… why do I fall in love so easily? This is sucks…
(FUCK gravitation, I swear it must be the source of my fall in love sickness!)

wish i had some kind of strong shield to protect me from all this thing

I met this guy actually a few months a go on a party, he wasn’t that cute, obviously not my type and I was drunk(one word: blur)
then BAM! he’s back with a more clearer look, and we’re supposed to work together
We worked together several time and I found him very funny, smart and undeniably charming!

Forgive me for having a soft spot for a nerdy type .. but he’s just the perfect geek for me!
we even speak the same language and he’s as weird as me … oh and he’s single! (yay)

if this is a silly romantic novel he should’ve been in love with me at this point but no,this is not some mind blowing novel its my boring life we talking about…

actually if you ask in what level am I now, I would say around  minus 10 !! the progress?? man … slower than a cripple turtle! I don’t even know how to create conversation beside work!

and I don’t have guts to start it…I know talking to him like a normal human would not harm me, but then again i suck at this kind of flirt-giggle-girl-like-mode
I’d probably would look like a lost circus lady and laugh like a mad hyena… and it surely would freak the poor guy 😦

ugh this whole fall in love thingies driving me nuts!!

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Doctor’s Prescription

Went to see my therapist, again

Not much happen, He keep telling me that I have anxiety and temper problem (fucK)

The thing is, I think he’s right (double fuck) and I really need help, this anxiety/overworked/stress I had, driving me nuts and having to take pills is not so cute anymore (I look like a monstrous psychopath when i forgot to eat it) plus i usually become so wet, my sweat is unbelievably wet(obviously) its just not cute specially on the armpit area — i would kill myself if it smells too but its not really that bad(i can assure you)–

well anyway..
I dot really blame  my job (honestly)cause I really need it(sometime love it)but its just…… its consuming all my valuable time (come on I’m a business woman time IS VALUABLE)I don’t have “me” time and I get all wet and sweaty just to think of going to work on the next day plus the pile of tasks….is that healthy?

so here I am (again) trying to write day to day journal about my life and try to channel (rephrase!!!) all my emotion (mostly anger) to its right place. My therapist said writing a journal would be the best solution cause he can monitor me and i can monitor myself (as if eternal shame of telling how sucks I am to people and share my shameless moment to the entire world is not enough)

wish me luck and may the force be with me (even i dot think luke will ever read this)

what was you said?

A guy name charles(real name) call me “stupid” (In bahasa whis is really rude!) I mean seriously that would be OK if:
1. I’m stupid
2. I made a terrible mistake
3. He’s better than me

But that would be wrong if:
1. That person is a horny bastard with a brain as big as walnut.(Well actually IF he has any)
2. Public enemy with IQ below idiot rate
3. King Moron that almost lost his job cause he’s a complete useless individual that’s not achieving his target and like to blame other people for the sake of his fat stinky ass

I swear he should be jailed for being such a horrible person!

Watch your mouth you freak!


some girls are born so pretty they glow, some of them are plain boring and the rest are invisible!

and this is true! 


if you think i said it because i’m jealous… you right!


9.00PM closing and checking all the doors and preparing to sleep
10.00PM awake!
10.46PM still..
11.00PM counting sheeps..
12.09PM …
12.11PM …
12.14PM …
2.06AM and I’m not sleepy! At all.. I do feel tired but I don’t feel like closing my eye!

Ugh… I really need to sleep!I need to wake up at six and be ready for 9 o’clock meeting! I mean seriously!what an assholes! Its so early!

I haven’t prepared anything and I don’t even know what to prepare..ugh.. I wish my boss would not be so stupid like usual, I wish she would at least use her brain and stop asking stupid questions and repeat the same questions over and over again!! I mean WE GET IT! WE KNOW YOURE STUPID!

I wish she ate too much breakfast and have digestion problem and need to be hospitalized forever..or they found a new species on her gigantic hair and decide that she need to be quarantine for the rest of her life!


2.12AM decide to exercise

2.13AM decide not to exercise (I need to save my energy)

2.16AM I wish I know how to hypnotise my self!


Birthday list!

Way past my birthday but I feel like I need to make a “not to do list” this year I promised nothing but goodness..I know mother theresa is smiling upon me from heaven at this moment!

One:I should not spend more than I actually earn and use up all my credit cards to the limit! Forget all the new shoes, bags, cloths and start living in a time where credit card is just a myth!

Two: stop being a weight conscious bitch who need to do diet all the time! Though I desperately need one..(Suck it up randu you have big bones,blame the dinosaurs for inherit you this!)

Three: writing this journal everyday as I feel like I’m getting more and more aggressive lately…I don’t know is it hormones?

Four: get a new job by actually send at least a resume!not just wish a new job will fall from the sky out of nowhere!

Five: stop cursing,be more patient and positive!(This should be very easy, I can feel the positive aura inside me needs to be freed, I just need to suppress my killing tendencies and all should be OK)

Six: look for a nice guy and have a sexy-full of comitment-more than 3 months relationship!you can do it!

Seven: pray more..(I need this!!!maybe it’ll calm me down a bit)

Eight: stop eating carbs, meats, sweets, gravies, basically stop eating anything and starve yourselves to thin!(if oprah can you can!)

Nine: buy one of self improvement book and read it!(Target: get my name on one forbes list!)

Ten: be more feminine(Guy dig this,remember they like gabrielle not xena)

Eleven; stop drinking! Start sit up!

Twelve: stop making excuses for anything! Especially on why I need to snack around midnight or skipping yoga classes for “mall” classes!

Thirteen: use more moisturizer!

Fourteen: saving money!! (This should be priority)

Fifteen: be a humanitarian, enroll on miss universe pageant and create a better world (target:world peace and touch trump’s wig)

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